Spoiler alert: It’s not easy.
If you are in your 20s and you are thinking of having a child, there are no rational reasons to have one. The word rational is very important in that sentence. Keep that in mind. A child means to spend a lot of time with him/her. Takes you a lot of energy, time and money. A child can change your meaning, your path in life. You’ve got almost no rational reasons to have one, but everything changes when you become a dad.
It’s been one year since everything changed for me and all the rational reasons vanished. Since I became a dad, a new world opened in front of me. When you step into a new world, you have to learn a lot, of course. I’m still learning, but I thought it’s time to start sharing some learnings.
I think the most important gift you can offer to your child is time. Even if it seems that it doesn’t matter how much time you spend with your new born baby in his first few months, it matters. It matters a lot. There is no other way to get to know your baby than spending as much time as you can with him or her. It’s priceless.
Play! Yes, we’re adults. We’re not used to play with each other. That’s not OK. We don’t have to be ashamed to play with our kids or even with our partner or friends. Play for 1 minute, play for 10 minutes, play for 1 hour, play the whole day. It doesn’t matter for how long, but don’t forget to do that. It’s how your child can discover the world, learn and enjoy it in the same time.
You don’t have to be ashamed if you spend more time with your child than his/her mom. Besides giving birth and breastfeeding, we, as men, can do everything else. Yes, the society teach us that we have to provide, to go “hunting”, spend most of our time outside our household. That’s not a rule. You can do whatever makes you feel better. You don’t have to follow a rule or do what others tell you to do. Do what you love.
Don’t panic! This is one of the most important things I’ve learned recently. If you have a child, It’s not all roses and zen moments. Sometimes bad things can happen, like accidents, diseases, bad moods. Then, you have to keep calm. If you are agitated, your child can feel that and things could get even worse. So, don’t panic, keep calm and carry on. Things will get better, at some point.
Have some time for yourself. It could be contradictory, but It’s one of the healthier things you can do for you and your child. Being a parent, could be overwhelming, sometimes you react differently and you regret things. Spending a few hours per week or a few days every couple of months away from your child could give you some space to recover, think deeper and appreciate your family time. Do that for yourself and also for your little one.
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